Saying Goodbye

July 12th, 2013 was the hardest day of my life. It was the day I had to say goodbye to my best friend, whether I was ready or not. It was the day I lost my sweet boy Shadow.

Our last picture together. His last morning of earthly life.

We had seen some signs that something wasn't right for a few months, but we attributed it to other changes in his life.
One week before his death, Shadow went downhill. It was time to go to the vet. He was diagnosed with advanced leukemia and there was nothing that could be done. My knowledge of alternative medicine didn't allow me to give up hope. We worked with his tired body for a week, but when God says it is your time, there is no fighting it. You just have to accept it. On the 12th, that is what Shadow and I did. That day I saw him struggling more than he had been the previous days, and I told him that it was okay to go; that I would be okay. At 4pm, heaven welcomed my little angel.

What made our relationship so special was that is wasn't between an owner and her pet. It was between two best friends. We knew each other at our very cores, and he understood me in a way not many people have an opportunity to be know in. I could fake emotions with everyone around me, but he always knew the truth. Always. He was constant in my life of chaos. He was calm to the storms in my life. He was my other half. Life doesn't feel complete anymore without him. There is an ache in my heart that won't go away. He is always on my mind. There will be no 'getting over Shadow' or 'moving on'. There will only be finding a new normal without my other half. My heart longs for the day I get to see my sweet boy again.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear.....

here is the deepest secret  nobody knows 
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

E.E. Cummings